I'm waiting for C to return from work. We are planning to go out for burgers at a nearby hotel. Later I plan to work on the descriptions for the 30 items for my miracle and magic in early Christian art catalog. So far, I have almost all of the details, such as the title, material, date, place and size, so I'm moving along. I hope I can do all 30 items tonight and maybe I will have time to do 3 wall texts tomorrow. The class is moving along quickly. I wish that I had more time to read the assignments because they are really interesting, but I am foregoing them to work on my project which also requires research, and since we are getting graded on our project I thought it would be best to concentrate on that instead. The catalog, 1-3 wall texts, images and their labels are due next week. The following week is the week to present my exhibition and the next week, the entire project is due. It really does seem like a lot to do, but I am working on a bit day by day. Hopefully it will all come together well.

I'm really looking forward to the end of this month when the entire assignment will be done and I can look forward to the graduation ceremony. I picked up a handicap pass and also my graduation regalia yesterday after going to the Dean's Tea. Unfortunately no deans were present by the time I got there. I was looking forward to seeing Dean M and hearing her stories. She is a great story teller and I wish I could tell stories as well as she does. I also have to remember to pick up the invitations. I think we only get 3, but I will have to check.

Just finished going through "Miracle and Magic: A Study in the Acts of the Apostles and the Life of Apollonius of Tyana" by Andy M. Reimer for my research paper. There are lots of interesting leads to other texts about miracles and magic during the Late Antique period. I took note of them and look forward to reading them one day for my dissertation.

I am feeling a bit more confident today about grad school, although I did read an article about a woman who graduated with a PhD in medieval literature who is struggling to support herself by taking several adjunct positions at different academic institutions. It wasn't a pretty picture. She races around from one class at one location to another in order to support herself as well as repay her student loans and credit card debt. I wonder if I should take some time out to get my own credit card debts paid so that I can concentrate more on my studies instead of being distracted by the thought of bills looming over my head. On the other hand, I've been doing a little bit of thinking about teaching and was even a bit excited about the prospect of conducting a class. I'm all for interactive learning and have devised some ideas about how I would conduct my class to get students thinking and participating about the topic. I'm still uneasy about it, but at least there is now a bit of excitement mixed in with the feeling instead of dread. I also read a bit about lecturing at a university. Instead of trying to squeeze a whole lot of information into each class, the goal is to introduce three main ideas. That seems doable to me and a whole lot less intimidating!

I've been having some doubts about whether I can actually finish grad school. It seems more intense than at the undergraduate level and I just have so many distractions. Not all of them are bad and some of them are necessary, such as housework, cooking and looking after the puppy when C is at work. I'm worried that I won't be able to finish the program. It's a major concern since it will involve a large commitment of time and money. Even if I was able to get a fellowship or some form of stipend, it is still an investment of money on the part of others and that is something that I take very seriously. The only way that I can see myself completing it, is if I were to study on a part-time basis. I doubt that I would qualify for any fellowships at that point, since it would appear to others that I am not taking my studies seriously.

I wasn't able to get any of my research done these past few days either. I guess that is why I am feeling pessimistic. It is really difficult to balance time unless I get up earlier than B and C. C's schedule doesn't make it any easier. Since he gets up a 2 pm or later on his days off, that means that errands and chores we had scheduled to do together involving stores and daylight are rushed. By the time we get home, I am usually tired. If I have enough energy to do anything, I usually cook dinner for us. When that is done, I clean up. By the time I am done, it is usually really late and so I spend some time with C before going to bed at 4ish since that is when he goes to bed. Of course, I could always go to bed earlier, say, at 12 am so that I could get up at 8 am, but then I wouldn't have really gotten to spend any quality time with C and I feel that that isn't the way I would like to live my life. Life is about connecting with others and not just about grades. Sometimes I forget this and let my drive for high grades take over my life. When this happens, I neglect the people that make up my world and let my home fall apart around me. But when I reflect on it, I realize that it would be a sad world to live in if there was no connection between family and friends. It is what makes life worth living.